behind the mask
by aerith uematsu
Summary: Ruka is still in love with Mikan; what he doesn't know was that there's a certain person who is loving him despite the fact that he still loves Mikan.
1. Prologue: The Diary

_Hello everyone! ^_^ I've been a fan of Gakuen Alice for a while now along with my sister germs, especially the RukaRu and NatsuMikan pairings. My sis is obsessed, or what she insists "inspired" *rolls eyes* of RukaRu. And so because she is so "inspired" by this pairing, she was able to make this fanfic =) So all credits of this fanfic goes to my sis here =)_

_If you're wondering why don't she, germs, just make her own account in fanfiction, this is her answer:_

_Germs: nah, too lazy. Why make one when you(me, aerith) have already an account? I'll just share with you, sis. *wents back to reading manga*_

_Me: Really… you sis… *sweat drop*_

_So there you have it. Enjoy reading =) and I REPEAT, I don't own any of the materials here (yep, not even the fanfic concept) especially the characters and story of Gakuen Alice (they belong to Higuchi Tachibana). The fanfic concept belongs to my sister germs :) _

_Germs: please be easy on me =) this is my first fanfic EVAH! And I'll appreciate comments and praises -_-_

Ruka'POV

I have always loved Sakura Mikan, my best friend's girlfriend…..

Whenever I see Natsume and Mikan together, I can't help but close my eyes….

Because only through closing them I could make my heart calm down from all these feelings…

One sunny Monday Sumire and I were assigned as cleaners for the day. I want to finish the work as soon as possible. Then suddenly as I was cleaning the part where Hotaru and Mikan were seated, a single notebook, a purple notebook caught my eyes ….

"What the – hey, Sumire, whose notebook do you think this belong to?"

"Oh, Ruka-kun, I think it belongs to Hotaru-chan."

"How can you tell?" I asked , "Well, Ruka my dear isn't it obvious, there's a big letter "H" on the back of it. It cant be Mikan's notebook right?"

"Oh….is that so?" Back then it felt awkward, I was really expecting it to be Mikan's notebook. And if it's Mikan's notebook, I thought I'll have a chance to have her attention.

But since we are talking about Hotaru Imai here, she is nothing but my annoying and worst nightmare…

My "Blackmailer"

She never really cared about other people's feelings, and all she care about is MONEY!

Now that I think about it, now is my chance to take my revenge.

As I went to my room that night, I excitedly opened Hotaru's notebook. I was surprised by what I saw.

I was really lucky; it was actually Imai's Diary. I never actually thought that she has a diary.

This time, I thought, I'll be the one who will do the blackmailing to her. WAHAHAHA!

That night I stayed up late and read what was written in Hotaru's diary…


	2. Chapter 1: Realization of Feelings

_Me: Hello minna-san! ^_^ it's me aerith-chan, bringing to you another chapter of my sister germs' fanfic =)_

_Germs: Enough with the author's note, just hurry up and explain what this chapter's all about -.-_

_Me: Alright, geez. Well, for this chapter, you guys might get confused why the story jumped all of a sudden ^_^ The truth is, the story didn't jump at all. What you are about to read happened in the past before our dear Ruka-pyon got his hands on the notebook. And if you guessed correctly, what you'll be reading will be what Hotaru have written in the diary. Although note that it's not on the format of someone writing in a diary, it is more of what Hotaru is feeling and experiencing during that part of her life that she wrote on her diary. (Hotaru-chan… T_T)_

_Germs: Geez, stop crying. You're spoiling the chapter. -.-_

_Me: How can you say that? T_T And to think that you're a fan of Hotaru-chan, and you also wrote this fanfic! T_T_

_Germs: Whatever, just stop and let the readers get on with the chapter. _

_Me: Well, anyway, that's all everyone. Enjoy reading (Germs, you're mean. T_T) _

Hotaru's POV

Christmas Eve this year was wonderful. Tonight, at the traditional Alice Christmas ball everyone is happy. Everyone I know also have their own partners for the night. Sumire and the mind-reader boy are finally dating and went to the ball together; they're kinda like Mikan and Hyuga, pissing each other off to the point you won't even know they're a couple if you don't know them personally. Iinchou and Anna are also together now; apparently they're the shy couple since the two always end up blushing furiously about little things in their relationship. Nonoko and the flying boy, as you guess, are also dating; they're the good-natured ones, a balance of the earlier two couples. And of course, Mikan and Hyuga were also there currently dancing and smiling at each other. Overall, they all look happy that time.

As for me, I was with the wind-boy Hayate that night. Yep, you heard it right. I agreed because he said that he will pay me if I become his date for the night. I thought it was a good deal, since I earn money at the same time I get rid of those annoying old rich tycoons hunting and asking me to be their date at the ball. But even though we were dates, I never danced with him and just ate my crabs peacefully at a corner. After some time my plate became empty and I started craving for some tea.

As I was heading to the buffet to get some tea, I saw bunny boy staring at Mikan…

I forgot about him. I guess he still not over Mikan yet, so I have to take back what I said earlier about everyone happy at the time.

Really, I think he's an idiot. Why can't he just move on? Duh, it's annoying. But with that face he's making, I can really sell them now…

_Click Click Click!_

Yup, I took the photos. He then looked at my direction angrily, but was surprised because he didn't do anything like try to grab my camera or shout something like "knock it off". Instead, I saw his blue eyes fill again with sadness and pain. Seeing him like that, I suddenly have the urge to comfort him. Damn, I was moved by that moment. I recovered quickly and took a photo of him again.

"With that face you're making, I can sell a lot of pictures now." I smirked at him.

Suddenly, a tear came out from one of his eyes. I was really shocked. I already have a hunch why he's crying, but still it really shocked me.

"H-hey Nogi, don't cry…I was just joking…"

"I know," he said, trying to explain what he's so upset about, "it's just that it really still hurt me whenever I see Sakura and Natsume together."

Why the hell is he venting this all out on me? But after he said that, he continued to look at me. I just keep up my stoic face at him. Then I asked him, "Then, Nogi, why did you give up Mikan to Natsume? Is it really because Hyuga is your bestfriend?"

"Actually,no. The truth is…" His blue eyes were again suddenly filled with pain and sorrow, and without realizing it I was captivated by its depths. My face suddenly felt warm, but at the same time I also felt pity for him.

"The truth is, Imai, I love her so much that's why."

Suddenly, I felt warm and heavy. It wasn't like what I felt earlier; I don't like the feeling at all. But I can only think of one thing that can describe this feeling: jealousy.

What the hell am I jealous for? I'm jealous of Mikan? Seriously? And to think that I'd fell for a baka like Ruka Nogi…that's something I would never dare dream of. Heck I would have thought it to be a nightmare!

But what I didn't realize was that during that night when he just stood there and looked so melancholic and beautiful, my mask suddenly developed a crack that can never be fixed again.

And even though I never wanted it to happen, without realizing it, that night I started falling for Ruka Nogi.


	3. Chapter 2: I'm such an Idiot!

Hotaru's POV

I woke up in the morning, expecting that as usual I will eat breakfast, go to class and tease my dumb best friend, Mikan.

That should be my usual scenario in the morning, but the moment I entered the classroom the first person I suddenly laid my eyes on is Ruka Nogi. To my confusion, my heart starts to beat fast.

What the heck. And then, ruining the moment, came my idiot best friend Mikan, jumping suddenly out of nowhere in front of me. Of course, my usual instinct is to get my Baka Gun and shoot it at her before she even tried to hug me.

"Ouch! Hotaruuu…you meanie!" Mikan whinned, massaging her face. Apparently, it was her face that was shot by the Baka Gun.

"Baka, don't just jump in front of me. You startled me." I was annoyed that I was startled by Mikan of all people. When I said those words, many were surprised. But it was even more annoying that it was Hyuuga Natsume who commented first about it.

"Hn. Didn't know that you can get startled, that's surprising." He appeared just behind Mikan as she stood up.

Of course, I kept my usual face and said back to Natsume, "Well, Hyuuga, I'm still a normal person unlike you." I gave him back the glare that he was giving me when I said those words. Again, we ignored the worried looks our classmates were giving whenever we'd glare at each other, and it wasn't until Ruka came to greet me and Mikan that we stopped.

"Uhmm…Ohayou Sakura-san, Imai-san."

I looked at him and his bright blue eyes met mine. Again, I felt the warm feeling I felt last night during the Christmas ball. I have to admit that no matter how crazy it is that this warm feeling is nice, but my mind is telling me that this _have_ to stop. Immediately.

"Ohayou Ruka-pyon!" Mikan greeted cheerfully. "Oh, where's usage-kun?"

To be honest, I wasn't paying attention to anything at all, especially not at his pet rabbit. I realized that ever since last night, the only person I always notice is Nogi. I already have an idea why I have these confusing feelings for Nogi, but even so this gotta stop.

"Imai-san, what are you staring at?" Iinchou asked. I then found myself asking the same thing. It's still early morning but I already feel drained. Why do I feel so worked up about this? No matter how nice this feeling is I still hate it.

"Nothing." I replied to Iinchou. I looked at Ruka again, who was talking to Mikan. The way he looks at Mikan, the way he smiles at her every time, and the way he seems to digest every word that Mikans says makes me feel a lot of things which is foreign to me: jealousy, hurt and love. And I hate feeling this way, especially towards the two of them.

As the class started and goes by in a blur, I didn't listen to the teachers even once; I was too absorbed to my own thoughts and feelings at the present.

His smiles, the way he looks, listens, and talks, I never noticed it all until now. And although I hate to admit it, but I realize that I actually fell in love with the idiot animal lover. And thinking back of how he cried to me last night about his feelings for Mikan, I can't help but feel angry at him and jealous with my best friend. Why can't he just move on and get over Mikan? And of all people, why does it have to be Mikan?

Unfortunately, my class for that day didn't end uneventful. Of all things to happen, Jinno-sensei chose to call me in class during the time that I'm not concentrating. Of course, it resulted to me being unable to answer his question in math for the first time, earning me a sermon from him, and worried and curious looks from my classmates, especially Mikan.

"Hey, Hotaru-chan, is there a problem?" Mikan asked, worry written all over her face. "You don't seem to be yourself today, is something wrong?"

"Maybe your idiocy rubbed on me already, that's why." I smiled a bit at that, especially when I saw Mikan's usual face whenever I tease her. For a minute, teasing her can be a stress-reliever.

"Waaah! Hotaru-chaaan!"

"Just kidding. It's nothing, dummy."

"Are you really sure?" Her nose was dripping, making her look more funny and amusing.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Of course, I lied to her. I just can't possibly tell her easily that I was jealous of her, can I?

And then lunchtime came. Me, Mikan ,Natsume and Ruka are always eating our lunch together. Before, I didn't even care if Natsume and Ruka are with us as long as I can eat my lunch peacefully. But then everything changes now that I have this weird feeling with Nogi. I feel so conscious of everything I do and I feel embarrassed whenever I open my mouth big enough to see them.

"Hotaru-chan? Your not eating your lunch, is there really something bothering you..?" mikan asked worriedly.

Heh, is there something bothering me? Of course there is! And that is because of some animal lover who just suddenly cried in front of me and was totally being open about how he feel! Urgh! I'm totally pissed off!

But then I don't want Mikan to worry about me, so that's why I have to lie and tell her I'm fine even though I'm not .

"Don't worry dummy, I didn't get enough sleep last night because of my next new project." I smile with my usual smile, though it's fake.

"moe..Hotaru, don't make yourself tired. You should have enough rest!" Mikan scolded me like she's my wife.

"Sakura-san is right Imai." Ruka suddenly butting in. Why is he agreeing, and when was he ever concerned about me! Ugh! Thus, with his comment, I'm pissed off.

"Well then I think I should go to the infirmary to take a rest. I don't think I can take classes today." And with that I just walk away.

"can you go alone? Do you want me to accompany you?" mikan asked worriedly. "no, I can go alone"

And then, that night I really can't sleep so to kill some time I went out for a walk to the park. I was so sure that night that the school is safe.

That's what I thought, and how wrong was I during that time.


End file.
